I am writing this message to post on most of the sites I have art on.

Hey peeps. Sorry about the common, long, drawn-out silences-- I will try to break some of that with this entry, as I know that my efforts to be impersonal online when it comes to art also makes people feel alienated and offended at times. I really appreciate all the support I have received and continue to receive over the years for the many things I've drawn and placed on the internet for people to enjoy. I'm glad it served its purpose.

I would like to eventually reply to every single one of the lovely comments people have left, but I don't have the time right at this very moment. I do check on this account every now and then, but those who are familiar with my other art accounts elsewhere are probably aware of how those places are just as barren as this one when it comes to activity. You're all very sweet for having taken the time to check out the things I've done and to have left feedback, and I try to read every single comment.

To make a long story short, the amount of time I spent on drawing has dwindled over the years because of my need to prioritize my studies. In fact, for many months I've felt guilty when I do draw because I keep obsessing over how drawing is taking away from study time, and study time is largely more important in the long run. I know I am pretty impersonal when it comes to my online life (aside from what I post on my Livejournal, which is still very active but mostly about school + dolls) but I figured I owe it to some especially wonderful people to have some sort of explanation.

I'm not ignoring anyone, I'm just mostly inactive when it comes to the online community as a whole because I simply do not find a lot of time to spend on my hobbies. Even the majority of the time I spend on dolls is mostly painting them for other people-- which is a lot of fun, but is not something I feel okay about putting up on places other than my journal and shop. I feel like the character designed by the owner that I have painted onto the doll is owned by the owner, so I only post the dolls I paint onto my shop or my journal. This basically means that while I am actively making art by painting dolls, that most likely will rarely show up on a place like this.

I don't know when I will have time to do things like I used to do-- uploading drawings somewhat regularly that are of decent quality, and being able to reply to comments and notes almost instantly. I still have many drawings tucked away that I may upload when I find them. I still enjoy drawing and the online community, however I feel like right now there are much more important things to attend to. I don't see a future for myself in art beyond being a hobbyist, which I am very comfortable with actually. Making a living off of art feels uncomfortable for me-- I feel like I'd lose a lot of enjoyment I have with art if it was a career.

What I do love just as much as art though-- and am extremely comfortable about doing as a career-- is science. I don't know if I ever mentioned on any of my art accounts that primarily what I do is science science science all the time. I work two jobs at the school I attend as a "TA" (I do not teach lab) for chemistry classes, I research in a lab about five hours a day, five days a week, and of course I attend school. I am typically on campus running back and forth from 8AM to 8PM, and it is not uncommon for me to not have a spare moment to sit down other than to attend class as I alternate things like harvesting cells while running a column and growing new cultures plus grading papers and sending emails and answering questions and studying studying studying.

However, I love it. It is true that I am extremely stressed all the time and often I'll complain and wish for a break-- but at the same time, I mostly enjoy myself. Even when I DO catch a break I get bored quickly and desire to get back into full productivity mode. Something feels right when I'm trying to chase down answers with research, or helping students succeed in their subjects, and learning more and more as I chip away at my major. It is true that the more you learn, the more you realize how little you know-- but that part is really exciting too.

I'd like to eventually become a physician scientist, and when the average GPA of those admitted into the physician scientist program at places like UCSF is 3.89, I feel like my feet are on fire all the time. I hope you can understand and see where my priorities lie when I need to deliver a GPA around that range, along with strong research training (for the scientist part of the programs) and hospital experience (for the physician part of the programs). I have a long future to prepare for-- I expect to continue to be in academia for the next decade. There's a lot that must be done.

Thank you all for being such a large part of my life for so many years. Right now, my life is going in a direction where I am unable to be an online presence like the one I was two years ago without feeling like I'm compromising my future in some way. I can no longer spend hours a day on /co/ drawing requests for appreciative anons, for instance.

I hope to one day to resume giving back to the online communities that have given me so much when it comes to friendship, encouragement, and creativity.






If you have any questions or comments to this entry, feel free to chime in. I shall make it a priority to reply to these more immediately than the other ones (userpage messages, gallery comments) because it's going to take me a lot longer to get through those than anything that is posted here. My winter break is coming up, and for about two weeks the campus will be closed so I won't be in research lab during break-- I plan to try to do the bulk of my catching up then if I can.

PS: This is not goodbye, but I felt I owe it to people who I have become close with to have an explanation at least.